Loss in a big adventure

So as I write this I have less than 2 weeks left in Peru. A friend recently sent me a link from a favorite blog of ours, 'The Art of Non-conformity' and I feel like it hits how I'm feeling these days on the head. Or whatever the saying is.

It's not that I'm not excited for whats next, but I can honestly say I've never felt so open to so many options before-and potentially all of them could make me very happy. Every day that I've been in Peru has been some sort of challenge and I guess its just a bit disorientating trying to chose which set of challenges I want to take on next that are hopefully going to keep me on my toes like Peru has.


October 13, 2011
The Sense of Loss in a Big Adventure

An unexpected thing happened on the streets of Seoul, Korea.

I've been to Seoul several times, and don't really feel anything special about it. It's not a bad place in any way, and perhaps I'd like it more if I spent more time there. I just don't think of Seoul in a special way, as I do with other Asian cities like Hong Kong, Singapore, and Bangkok.

That's why the thing was so unexpected. All of a sudden while riding along in the interminable airport shuttle (the main airport is more than an hour from the city), I began to feel sad. I looked around and realized that even though I didn't love Seoul itself, in the near future I would greatly miss this experience.

For more than ten years, I've been actively traveling in all parts of the world. For the past four years, the travel has been a near-obsession. I've been in at least 20 countries every year, often more like thirty-five when you consider all the transits and stopovers.

There hasn't been any time when I haven't been planning at least one big trip. I've had multiple, ten-segment itineraries open at any given time. I've spent thousands of dollars in processing fees and FedEx charges sending my passports back and forth from D.C. and various embassies, often receiving them back the day of my departure before rushing out to the airport.

And on this trip, I realized for the very first time... that one day, before too long, it will be coming to an end.

168 countries down, only 25 to go.

I remember my visit to Sri Lanka, country #100, so clearly. I was jetlagged and made the mistake of taking a nap at 4pm. Waking up before midnight, I spent the rest of the night writing the original Working for Yourself guide and walking on the beach outside my hotel.

It feels so recent, but that visit was actually sixty-eight countries ago. Life has been flying by so quickly.

***

The quest to visit every country was always personal -- I knew I'd do it even if no one cared or noticed. But when I started writing about big adventures (and YOU started reading), things changed a lot, mostly for the better.

At almost every book tour stop, meetup, or speaking gig over the past year, someone asked the question: "What will you do after you finish seeing the world?" Other people would nod, as if they were wondering too.

After a few false starts, I developed a good answer: "Well, I have no plans to stop traveling. I'd like to go back and revisit some of the places I especially liked."

I also said that travel is only one part of what I do. I write books, start businesses, host the World Domination Summit and other events, and... a lot more. None of those things are coming to an end anytime soon.

These answers -- I'll keep traveling in some form, and I do more than just travel -- are both true. But now I understand something that perhaps many of you already knew when you asked the question: the answers were true, but they weren't sufficient. There is a real sense of loss as a big adventure comes to an end, and you should be prepared for it.

Assuming all goes well, the adventure is coming to an end over the next 16 months. There's still a long way to go, but I can finally foresee a time where there won't be any more stressing over visas and hopping off to random countries that I knew nothing about until a few years ago. I probably won't sleep on many airport floors, and won't likely maximize a 10-segment itinerary to get to as many stops as possible.

I don't know what comes next, and the thought of coming to the end feels like a real loss.

An actor friend gave me a metaphor: when a show closes, the actors all experience a feeling of sadness and loss. This is usually true even if they didn't especially love the show, or even if they're all ready to move on to something else. You still have to say goodbye to an intense period of your life, and that's always tough.

So now, after failing to grasp the problem, I suddenly get it. I felt like crying on that airport bus from Seoul, and it wasn't because I wanted another day in Korea. It was that I've been working for something for so long, and now that it actually seems within reach, I don't know what to do with myself.

Of course I'll still travel and write after April 7, 2013. I'll start more projects than I can finish and say yes to things I'm excited about. The best is yet to come. But I do understand... this is a problem I don't yet know how to solve.